Here is the news – of 1994: Gossip


IT WILL be a year of Royal births, which will deflect attention from the family’s more troubled relationships. The Princess Royalwill have a baby, as will Viscountess Linley and Lady Helen Taylor – though not necessarily in that order.
There will be another Royal wedding: Lady Sarah Armstrong-Jones will marry boyfriend Daniel Chatto, and wear a designer trouser suit for the occasion. This will provide a field day for the Royal fashion pundits who will waste page after page of newspaper space discussing whether or not her garb has constitutional implications.

Royal scandal, however, will emerge at the start of the summer – and its subject will be the least likely: namely, the Queen Mother, whose past, it will be discovered, contains a hidden secret – more political than sexual.

The Princess of Wales will also cause a stir when, during one of her husband’s visits abroad, she re-emphasises her wish to be kept well out of the public glare by making an announcement on satellite TV live from Wembley stadium.

The Prince of Wales will fall into the same trap as the fictional king in To Play the King and clash with the Prime Minister over some party-political issue while on a trip abroad. This will weaken his position constitutionally and his wife will seriously consider divorce.

Meanwhile, the public at large will care less and less what the Royals do, as focus on the entertainment business reaches an all-time peak.

Newman and Baddiel will get together again and French and Saunders will split up – only to become reunited in 1995 – the motive in both cases being publicity-seeking.

Madonna will steal the limelight from the Michael Jackson case when she writes SEX2 – the book and the video – which will star children as well as adults.

Declaring it to be a work of art, she will stir up such a national controversy that a British control system will be set up to prevent any further exhibitions of deviancy from entering the country.

The mood in the country will be cheerful, though. Economically things will be better; we will have come a fair way in the arts and film industries; and though we will have lost dismally in the Winter Olympics, nobody will care too much.